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[09 May 2015|10:56pm] |
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THE LIVEJOURNAL
Yeah I know I have a freaking horrible rep but honestly believe what you want to luh. Fuck off if you don't like me or dislike what I say or have a major erectile ego problem. Teeheehee. Comment to be added as a friend! (:
And i'll swim the ocean for you.
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| Hunger headaches humility |
[09 Jul 2009|10:17pm] |
I'm not crying because i'm upset.
I'm crying because it hurts.
Believe me: there is a difference.
By the way, I think i'm really going to die of headaches. I should get my brain scanned, and a full body checkup done. There's something bad going on inside my body. It's screwing itself up- well done.
I know it was really obvious I was going through whatever I was going through because my puffy eyes persisted the entire day- it's extremely rare, mine usually go away in one hour max. But thank you if you were worried. I just... couldn't voice it out.
I nearly forgot what having a real friend felt like.
I randomly had lunch with somebody today.
That somebody... is somebody who would cheer me up; saying things you'd never expect to hear from him, laughing together, loving/ hating things and people together, bitching about every little thing, not letting me stay in my anger/ pain/ sadness/ frustration/ negativity/ hate.
I didn't think I would open up and say anything the whole day, but to that somebody, opening up and complaining felt so... fun. Because for sure he would listen, for sure he'd make some asshole remark, which somehow helped me calm down.
Thanks lah ass. (:
I don't know how long more i'd last, I don't know if I even want to last. Right now, the easiest thing to do is succumb to everything that's going wrong, forgetting everything we've worked for. Do I trust you? Tell me. Do I have reason to? You might not have done anything to make me distrust you, but have you worked for my trust? Did you not throw every thing away in the last few days? Do you not see what you're putting me through?
Because I'm trying to understand why, I'm letting you go. Not because I want to, but because you want me to. You think i'm dumb enough to put myself through this? It's all for you. Don't forget.
But don't think you can come back so easily- I don't know if i'm bighearted enough to forget everything. I don't know what i'd feel when I look at you. I don't know if I would make you work from the bottom up. How can I tell you that you're something else if you're acting like this? How can I not agree that you're fucking things up? How can I possibly deny all the things you accuse yourself of? I can't. I don't know if i'm strong and secure enough to even have you back.
Don't fucking promise me anything. Don't.
Don't fuck me up, i'm the last thing you have left.
Don't run. Don't assume.
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| Bling bling bling! |
[06 Jul 2009|09:56am] |
I aspire to be rich.
I AM GOING TO BE RICH.
(Yeah I came up with that during my 4-day stay home recuperate session. Seems the flu bug has left me!)
I can't stand not buying a pair of shoes.
I can't stand not buying a dress/ shirt/ skirt that has caught my eye.
I can't stand not having $$$ to buy it.
I like dressing like a rich bitch. (Hahahhha! I'm sure you know.)
Attention-grabbing through clothes, not actions. Not ASD; I don't have that- although we know who does! Hahahhaha no M, i'm not talking about you, fret not.
I am going to spend my first official paycheck on... shoes. Just watch me.
Am sick and tired of DIY-ing because I have no $$$. (But I love DIYs.)
Well,
At least i'm buying myself a new skirt/ dress today. (:
( Diamonds are a girl's best friend )
AND YES I AM ANGRY AT YOU.
Mean insensitive jerk.
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| I'm A Freakshow |
[30 Jun 2009|09:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 numb |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Free Fallin' by John Mayer |
] |
The best way to study GP:
Debates on the phone with Fb.
I wonder if it's going to be much use (knowing that he probably hasn't read a newspaper in months) but wll, at least it's something- I don't really know how to study except finding examples. Which I doubt would have much use cause my writing isn't say very impressive. ): Gah, i'll just try my best, as always then.
I wish I could run away, I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want to.
):
);
),;
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| Recurring |
[28 Jun 2009|11:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
If I stole the shine away from your eyes...
Regardless of the not-so-good situation we're in,
Regardless of what others say,
Regardless of what might possibly happen,
I'm here for you.
To get you through your late-night studying,
To give you a big warm hug whenever you want one,
To make sure everything is okay.
I won't forgive myself if I screw this up. I really don't want to spoil anything.
You're my precious Favourite Boy, remember? (:
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| Spirit |
[26 Jun 2009|06:50pm] |
I've nothing to say.
I don't really know who/ what to blame.
Fucking pissed.
I don't really know why i'm pissed.
Bitch.
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| YOU, YES YOU |
[25 Jun 2009|11:42pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Slow Dancing In A Burning Room |
] |
For some reason I sometimes wish you were talking about me.
Who, what am I to you?
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| Chanel |
[21 Jun 2009|10:18pm] |
To three people with no connection to each other.
Go figure (who).
You are so wonderfully abstract, and far away,
I miss you, ass. (I hope you're safe, healthy and happy)
You are completely rocking that look these days...
I wish we could talk, like we used to. Softie.
You... are mine.
I want you to know: you'll always be special. Regardless...
My heart.
My head.
A time bomb.
....
Time left:
00:01
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| Engulfing.. |
[17 Jun 2009|02:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 blank |
] |
Today's plans went totally haywire,
But at least i'll be doing something productive LATER, i.e. studying.
I need to stop monkeying around and Focus. sssss.
Anyway..
(referring to Facebook)
Someone is sure marking his territory huh. (:
Not that I mind- I find it quite cute actually.
Bye for now.
The books wave their page-like arms wailing to be carried ad fondled.
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| Hellidays |
[15 Jun 2009|11:08pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 crazy |
] |
My holidays are vanishing as quickly as foie gras sushi or perhaps icing sugar-sprinkled chocolate dumplings or Max Brenner's sultry hot chocolate or simple but delightful macaroons. Or perhaps, all of them together. (That's one fucking awesome buffet)
Might I add that studying has had no priority whatsoever- except for my little bit today. Which is as good as nothing. So i'm giving myself an ultimatum: Study at home, or study out. In any case.. i'm leaving myself with no choice but to study. Which I might as well, considering my best companion (of the moment) is going to be busy for at least the next two days. Have fun and always take care, you.
But to while away my time- the time that is meant for leisure, not studying of course- i'm going to excite and torture myself by creating Lists. Lists of ten pairs of shoes that every woman needs, five jackets, so on and so forth. I already picture towering Steve Madden heels and glamourous Topshop pumps, along with cutesy Stella Mccartney dresses and snakeskin bags from the likes of nearly every high-end street name. And the simply fabulous leather motorcycle chic bomber jacket re-created, re-torn and re-rugged by many of these brands... joy!
(: ):
Gah, just save me.
Hopefully your holiday hasn't been as direction-less as mine.
But I must say... today was secretly good, wasn't it my dear?
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[12 Jun 2009|08:19am] |
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Love is... Waiting for a call
A warm fuzzy feeling
Escaping
An arm around you when you're cold
Standing up and defending
A "Thank you"
Ignoring your phone
A quiet corner during a party
Halal food
Polished, shiny nails
Grabbing hands while crossing roads
A quirky test of tolerance
Waiting
Falling asleep on the bus home
Fire
Becoming a better you
Sexy sunglasses sitting on your nose bridge
Laughing at FML
Introducing you to everyone not just as you
Forgetting your insecurities
ESPIRT fragrances
Acting
Finding secret places
Ignoring someone new
Release
Lines lines and lines
"take care"
Piggyback rides
Fighting over petty things
A form of hidden communication
Glorious food
A transparent umbrella
Heart shaped thoughts
Sequins and specks of glitter on your skin
Every day comfort
Letting go
Smudged black kohl eyeliner
Pretty girls with pretty things
20% Lycra 80% Nylon
Knowing the lyrics to all those songs
A wry smile
Pulling out the wallet
Knowing when to stop
A trade-off
The smell of you on me
Helping
A long-d run
"Never mind", "It's alright"
Resisting temptation
Gay colours You are love.
Let me show you why.
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| Bon Voyage |
[11 Jun 2009|11:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sad |
] |
Goodbye Jason, have an awesome trip! (:
I'm so jealous omgggg.
I'll miss you.
):
);
),;
-cries
Anyway, i'm officially announcing that FML is my favourite form of entertainment. :D
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| Misfit |
[06 Jun 2009|04:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
And I thought nothing could possibly ruin my tranquil stay-at-home-and-recuperate afternoon. (One of the firsts i've had since... the start of Twenty Zero Nine?) But oh... I was so wrong.
Interrupting my intense computer session (I was staring at... porn American Apparel/ Forever 21) was Mum, who came in looking all excited with a bottle of brown in her right hand and a comb in the other. Before I knew it I was dragged out of the room and had my head plastered in random segments of Aluminium Foil.
So now i'm sitting looking like a strange alienite Sailormoon astronaut, and I will remain so for the next Forty Five Minutes.
):
);
),;
At least it made Mum happy. She's always wanted to highlight someone's hair. (Unfortunate me)
Chestnut Brown. CHESTnut Brown. (Har har har har har) Not much different from my natural hair colour cause it's dark brown so honestly... I have no idea how i'm going to look. If the highlights are darker than my normal hair colour, i'll... I'LL.... um. I don't know man.
I love you Blair. (: Absolutely.
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| A-HOY! |
[03 Jun 2009|11:30pm] |
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I would do anything to get this dress.
):
I WANNA BE A SAILOR AND WEAR PRETTY SAILOR DRESSES.
D:
This adds onto my list of fetishes.
- Shoes. Sky high heels! :D
- Monokinis. (I'm like So Over bikinis. -flips hair)
- AMERICAN APPAREL swoons swoons swoons
- Motorcycle bags
- Oversized tees/tanks
- Studded stuff
- Mini dresses (but not sluttish ones)
- AND NOW... SAILOR DRESSES:D :D :D :D :D
I need money. Money oh money money.
But well. I suppose I'll survive without it. ):
(NO I WILL NOT LIVE WITHOUT IT)
On a side note,
I love my boy very much.
Even though he has mental issues, physical issues, emotional issues, all sorts of issues. Even if you aren't sure of what you want, even if you can't make as much money as me or even if you're really stupid and possess the brain capacity of a chicken... (: Nyeh. I know you're a good smart kiddo.
(I think I might've watched too much (Sailormoon) cartoons, growing up.)
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| Don't Blame The Donuts |
[31 May 2009|08:16pm] |
Seduce.
You pierce a single Fusilli with your fork and slowly withdraw that fork from your closed lips.
Engage. (or Murder.)
You look at me. It's all you need to do.
Dissemble.
You tell me everything. I'll never get sick of you talking. Although yes... maybe you do talk too much. But what's there not to like about it? We are.. blatantly honest. Painfully honest.
Tempt.
You suck your chocolate-covered fingers. Slowly, one by one. The middle finger, the index, the thumb. It reminds me of... the saucy Desperate Housewives advert. Or perhaps, Calvin Klein's underwear ads. (Which I would classify as soft porn, btw)
Play.
You drink my Mochabella. You smell my hair. I whip out my lipstick and begin drawing.
Anyway, some random pic that tickled my strange fancy.
HAHAHAHAHAHAAH.
Personal experiences, anyone? I'm curious. O_O
Am so majorly overly siannnzxz with Blogger.
What with all the mindless mass spamming and... yeah.
But i've fallen in sweet, mind-blowing love.
With The Royals' Cafe MEE SIAM.
Oh, yes. The tangy sourness, the teeeeeny touch of spice (I can't take spice at all I swear) gets me all the time. Only two bowls so far but omg, i'm hooked. I'm converted.
Man, I need another bowl ASAP.
Like... tomorrow. Lunch? (:
Recently it's been all about food.
Mee siam spamming, coffee spamming. God. The adrenaline, just thinking about it.
Tao huay soon yes?
Today was a food day with (scandalous) FB.
Pastamania and... 4 donuts/ person.
( Slightly inappropriate thoughts )
Already i'm in a semi-picturesque state, remembering how pretty the night sky looked lying next to you, remembering how we walk in tandem, remembering how you looked under the street lamps in the middle of the road.
And oh yes,
Joy to the World.
My F21 stuff has arrived. :D :D :D :D :D
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| By the way |
[26 May 2009|10:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
Btw.
There is something wrong with me.
I am a screwed up kid.
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panicinthecity's journal
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